When your child dies, a part of you dies. I know that sounds bleak, but it's true. A little bit of light is gone from your world and you wonder where that light may be. You see the world much differently then before. Why wouldn't you? The world is different when you become a parent and it doesn't stop being different just because your child is gone.
This probably sounds very strange to people who haven't experienced the loss of a child, but it helps to hear other people's stories. It makes you feel more human, at least it did for me. Not because you want other people to know this dark pain, no one wants that. But because you see everyone else around you with seemingly fine lives and you wonder why you're not fine. I say seemingly because if you talk to people long enough you'll hear a little heartbreak in everyone's story. My parents have had this kind of heartbreak, so they were the perfect people to talk to, for they really have been through a lot when it comes to something like this. By that I mean they have had 5 children born severely disabled and all 5 have since passed away.
I was shocked by how many people I had known for years had children pass away. It can be so easy to feel like the marked one. You just have to remember that you're not the first person to feel that way.
I've also seen a lot of people on different forums online talk about how they didn't know anyone that had a child die. If you're experiencing the loss of your child and needs to hear from someone that's been there the internet has a ton of resources such as the just mentioned forums. I also read a lot of blogs where people told their story, and I found them very healing.
Also your friends and family that haven't experienced this pain can be wonderful support systems. Sometimes people don't know if you wanna talk about it, so you might have to tell people you need to. I'll always be very grateful to the friends and family that listened to me question and vent. And of course my husband was and is definitely a huge support system for me, I hope to be the same for him. If anyone can know the pain you're going through, it's your child's father or mother.
Wherever you find support, just find it. Don't feel like you have to keep all the pain to yourself. If you don't feel comfortable talking to someone you know there are support groups, therapists, pastors, and of course who was there for me even when I doubted, God.
Here's the link to the post that made me aware of Bereaved Parents Month. Thank you so much Erin for sharing something so important!
Here's the links to the story of our baby James here, here, here, & here
Here's the link to the Bereaved Parents Month website here