Monday, May 23, 2016

Victim Blaming


  I have decided I can't be silent anymore. Not about this. It was recently brought to my attention that I shouldn't play the victim. I must have missed that part where I prayed for what I've been going through since last August. It wasn't the first time someone has told me I should hold myself accountable. Maybe Miller ought to take his fair share of the blame as well. Because we hold about the same amount; none.
    I'm just so tired and sad at how we as a society constantly berate people(women mostly) for being a "victim". When did it become acceptable to shame someone for something that happened to them. Yes don't get me wrong there are plenty of divorces that are amicable. But this isn't one of them. I had no idea, no inkling. He left. The end. The only people that seek to shame are the ones who refuse to believe that sometimes people hurt other people. Sometimes there's only one injured party. If a man is left by his wife, no one tells him it was his fault. They call her names, tell him there's so many women he could be with out there. But they never suggest he did something.
      People constantly say it's absurd to act like there's a war on women when women in 3rd world countries are so oppressed. And I agree, there are horrible conditions for women out there. But how do you think the oppression starts? It starts by telling women to not tell what really happened, to just remain silent. If your husband has a problem with you, you must have done something wrong. No good woman has a husband treat her this way for no good reason. Abuse is the wife's fault. That's at least the message being put out there. And people wonder why women find it difficult to get out of abusive relationships.   
    If any of that was true women wouldn't be in danger every day, in dark parking lots, in shopping malls, and even in their own homes. Would you dare ask the beaten wife why her husband beat her? Maybe she should have read his mind that his meatloaf was too cold. The family who lost their home to arson. Maybe they should have known their neighbor was plotting that.
   You cannot call yourself a Christian and shame the victim and uplift the victimizer. I'm all about love the sinner, hate the sin. But where does it say tell the person that is personally hurt by the sin it was their fault. It doesn't.
    Husbands tried to rid themselves of wives that they were displeased with in the 1930s by way of having their wives committed to mental wards. It had become such a overwhelming problem that the first woman in Maine's legislature, Gail Laughlin, passed a bill that penalized husbands for bringing false testimony  in the involuntary commitment of their wives. So it just goes to show that the mistreatment of women has been around for a long time in varying degrees. And sadly it doesn't seem to be leaving us any time soon.
   In the Bible it says "Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way in the beginning"( Matthew 19:8). Notice that Jesus never suggested that the wives were to blame for the hardening of the hearts of the men. I guess today we don't believe that men could leave their wives for the hardening of their hearts. Mankind is no different today than when Jesus was here. Sometimes there isn't another side, there's just the truth.


  1. :( I feel so horrible that you have been through such tough times. Bless you for being strong for Miller and keeping a postivie perspective!

  2. I would like to see one of those people "advising" you not to play the victim walk an hour in your footsteps over the past several months and see if they would have a different perspective.


    1. Exactly. I wouldn't wish this on anyone, but I do wish people could be more compassionate. Thanks for your compassion Betty!

  3. Girlfriend, I am right there with you! My husband left my marriage even though I fought tooth and nail to keep him around. People always think I'd done something wrong or that I deserved that kind of treatment. I've kept my mouth closed about the situation for a year now, but your words have inspired me and reminded me that I have nothing to be ashamed about. Thank you for sharing your story. <3

    1. I'm so sorry for what you've been going through. You are a strong woman, and yes you have nothing to be ashamed of, remember that Lecy <3


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