When you make a commitment to someone you're saying that you're going to make the effort. You're not only saying you choose them, but that you choose them each and every day for the rest of your life. You make the choice to be all in.
That's not to say that you should ignore when your partner isn't putting forth any effort in the relationship. For starters they may not even know they're not. I'll wait until you're done laughing. But seriously some people may think that this is the way they put effort into their relationship, while you may be thinking they're just oblivious. It's important that you tell them you need more from them. People are not mind readers. Communication is everything. Without it things start to fall apart. Feelings are hurt.
If you're the person that the other person thinks isn't putting in the effort you should ask them what they need or want. If you start tuning in and paying attention you may notice they're frustrated. Pay attention to when they feel frustrated, did you say something or were you silent? Two big reasons people get frustrated with their spouses is 1) the other spouse says something offensive or rude, or 2) the other spouse didn't say anything at all leaving the other spouse to feel neglected or unheard.
I'm not here to say that this solves all the issues in some marriages, but being jointly invested in your marriage or relationship can only be a good thing. It makes you more considerate of the other person and vice versa. One person can't be the only person showing up.
That is so true. It does take effort and communication between both jointly :)
ReplyDeletebetty
It's a lifelong commitment of being jointly invested. Thanks for reading Betty :)
DeleteI love that picture. It makes me smile. I agree...I also have found that if you want romance in your relationship, it can often help to do sweet things for your partner first. Sometimes that leads the other person to start putting in an effort.
ReplyDeleteYou're right, thoughtfulness begets thoughtfulness. Aw thanks, it's from our first married Valentine's day. Thanks for reading Stephanie!
DeleteMy husband and I are celebrating our 8th anniversary in June. We have two rules that we live by no matter what. We never, ever under any circumstances raise our voices with each other and as simple as it sounds we never go to bed angry or upset. After spending several all nighters trying to work through an issue we learned to compromise and solve our differences much faster so we could sleep:)
ReplyDeleteGood luck with the rest of the A-Z!
That's great! Thanks for reading Doreen! :)
DeleteSuch great reminders!! My hubby and I make sure we try to communicate using the other person's love language... it is a great way to practically love/listen to the other person! :) :)
ReplyDeleteWe read one of his books after we got engaged, it touched a little on the love languages, it was helpful! Thanks for reading Lisa :)
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